Underestimated
by viktories
Summary: Caryl, from season 3. A short, one-off interpretation of Carol's inner monologue. MA for language. I swear, a lot. Unfortunately "seething rage" isn't a genre option, so I'm going with "angst." [I apologize, the original file I uploaded was pooched and I didn't notice right away. I've fixed it now.]
They all underestimated her, every goddamn one of them. Rick thought she'd hear him out, believe him when he said it was Daryl's choice to leave? Glen thought she'd have so much sympathy for him and the horrible experience he went through in Woodbury at Merle's hands? That was a fucking Tuesday night in Ed Peletier's house. The only one she felt much for was Maggie, humiliated and threatened, forced to betray them all to save her man. Yeah, she felt something for Maggie.

Rick standing there at the gate, putting his sheriff-face on to calm the hysterical woman, speaking to her like she was a ticking bomb of emotion. He had no fucking idea. Yeah, they underestimated her. Every fucking one of them. Every one _except_ him.

They saw what they wanted to see, what they expected to see. Wife and mom, cook and housekeeper. Victim. Saying shit to her like "you're getting so strong!" and "doesn't it feel good to be able to protect yourself?" in that condescending tone like she was a helpless child before she had such strong men to teach her. They had no idea what she'd had to do to survive, back before everyone else was reduced to fighting for survival too. Some days, the end of the world was like a goddamn vacation.

No, this was the final straw. Sending Daryl away, leaving him out there to face God only knows what with just Merle watching his back? He'd never survive out there on his own, he wasn't like her. He _needed_ people. He needed someone to take care of or he'd lose his way, and the moment he lost focus was when she'd lose him forever. That was NOT going to happen.

She was so angry that tears were bursting out of her eyes, and Rick saw what he expected once again. Tried to comfort her, hold her upright. _I could plunge a knife in your kidney right now and you wouldn't even believe it was me._ GODDAMN HIM for making her do this! She wrapped her arms around her midsection to keep from snaking his gun out of its holster and shooting him in the fucking foot for making Daryl leave.

Halfway up the hill she broke into a run, anxiety over Daryl out there, unprotected, driving her tired limbs forward.

…

She was ready to leave, more than ready, just needed to wait for full dark so that she wouldn't have to deal with anyone trying to stop her. She didn't want to hurt these people, she loved them like family, but more than anyone else she knew the depths of horror that a person could inflict on their _family_. Sometimes even with good intentions. She knew that better than anyone except him.

She'd seen the scars. She'd seen the careful way he kept his distance from all of them, avoiding any but the most superficial touch. She'd seen the molten rage in his eyes when Ed taught her a lesson, and his helplessness to stop him. He was so gentle, her Daryl, the meanness in the world cut him in his soul. He was too good for her, she knew that too, but she was just selfish enough not to care. He needed someone like her to take care of him while he was busy taking care of everyone else.

…

She woke up at first light, frantically jolted out of a deep, dreamless sleep by the realization that her two minutes of closed eyes had ended with her sleeping through the night. For a second she thought she could still make it out the gate before the rest of the woke up, but a fussy Judith had roused too many of them. She had missed her chance. It would be so much harder to find him now, especially if they'd gone cross-country. She bit through her lip in frustration, clenching her face in a silent scream until star bursts exploded inside her eyelids, and pounded her fists on her pillow.

…

She kept to the courtyard all day, her pack just out of sight, waiting for a second, _just one solitary second,_ when they'd look away. Just one distraction that all eyes would focus on then she'd be on her way to find him. She thought her moment had come when Rick was outside the fence and Herschel toddled out into the sun. Everyone was looking his way, and she moved towards her pack but fucking _Axel_ chose that moment to try out some moves on her and she was just about to cold-cock him with the butt of her knife when his head exploded all onto her face.

…

Everyone underestimated her except for the Dixon _brothers_ apparently. Merle saw her glance over at her pack, one single fucking glance and he noticed, smirking at her when she met his eye. She glared at him, looked pointedly at Daryl, and looked back at him with eyebrows raised. He continued smirking. He may be perceptive but he was _goddamn stupid._ She'd have to spell it out to him plain.

…

"…you mess things up for him, I'll slit your throat in you sleep." One predator to another, she couldn't make it more plain to him. He gave her a slight nod. She smiled sweetly and exited his cell. They were on the same page and it was a bit of a relief to know someone else was looking out for Daryl.


End file.
